The Quotidian Ones

Facing up to strange thrift

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On a long-planned outing yesterday with my friend Wayne, I bought, among other things, a new rubber spatula. Technically, it was an impulse buy, as it had not made it onto my handwritten shopping list of that morning. But as you can see from the above photo, I was due. How that spatula head stayed on the handle as long as it did is a culinary mystery.

I don't know what it is in me that resists replacing worn-out low-cost items, but I'm on the path of finding out. Because the reason that old spatula ripped in the first place was that I pried it off the stick to clean out what I correctly identified as toxic sludge when I could no longer ignore that it was growing in there. We're talking about a vile fungus and/or a lame appliance that I lived—and COOKED—with for the better part of two or three years when a brand new replacement cost 99 cents at IKEA. Ninety-nine cents! To be mold-free! And I have a chronic immune disease!

I wish I could blame my thrifty, Swedish-American grandmother—she of the mended nylons for around the house, and the Three-Sheet Rule of toilet-paper usage. But that woman also bought herself a new pillow more than once per decade. And when something was ready for the rag bag, I'm guessing she just ripped it into right-sized pieces and started polishing the silver instead of putting it in, then returning it to the underwear drawer three times before being able to let it go.

My friends are very kind and patient about this kind of stuff. When I asked Wayne how often he replaced his kitchen scrubber that suction-cups to the sink, again, it was more than once every two years, which is when I bought mine. He also swears that travel mugs wear out and ought to be replaced when they "get gross." Apparently, you're allowed to let go of thing not only when they become life-threatening, but when they lose their original functionality, i.e. sucking. Who knew?

It's not an across-the-board issue, this strange thrift that afflicts me. I have no problem paying an exorbitant amount of money for putatively high-speed internet or shit smartphone service or fees for nonexistent customer service at my horrible McBank. But that is what's so strange. People like Wayne get that neither moldy kitchen appliances nor bloated fees are tenable. It's about self-care, not spending money. You get a new spatula, you find a new bank. Period.

So we also replaced a travel mug whose insides have condensation and a dish rack that had started to crack and rust. Some part of me still can't believe that travel mugs and dish racks have to be replaced, ever. But another part of me is looking forward to a non-sketchy caffeine experience tomorrow morning. And a (first) detailing on my 11-year-old Corolla sometime this year.

And some new underpants as soon as I can bring myself to use the gift card my friend Mary Ellen gave me—two years ago? Yeah. Pretty much.

xxx
c

P.S. Hi, Mary Ellen! You are awesome and I really am looking forward to new underpants!

53 Things I Learned in 2014

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An entire year with nary a post save one, at the very end? O, how the bright-eyed girl of 43 who was posting multiple times per day in 2004 would have laughed had you told her this! Without further ado, we continue this new twist on a 10-year-old tradition with 53 things I learned this year—one thing for each year I am old.

What will the new year bring? What won't it, amirite?

  1. Hair we go again.
  2. What I really need is so much better than what I think I do.
  3. They have that 110-lb. Blood-Donor Rule for a reason.
  4. Giving talks is still fun.
  5. But not as much fun as watching people get it.
  6. Dogs will change your life.
  7. And, sometimes, your livelihood.
  8. And always, your capacity to be patient.
  9. Take the f*cking donuts.
  10. Releasing books almost beats reading them.
  11. Helping your friends make jam is the new helping your friends make quilts.
  12. There's a difference between not doing something wrong and seeking to do things right.
  13. It's all the difference.
  14. William Trevor is dark in the good way.
  15. An evening's walk in the desert is as relaxing as a week's stay in many places.
  16. Vegas, however....
  17. You never know where your next pen pal may come from.
  18. Accidents make the best popsicles.
  19. Theater is one of the smartest things I can say "yes" to.
  20. Especially as it yields hidden treasures.
  21. Cleaning ladies earn every cent of their money.
  22. My new-favorite blogs are all newsletters.
  23. I am absolutely, positively not a copywriter.
  24. For hire.
  25. Making art feels like making love—to yourself.
  26. And you don't need a nap afterward.
  27. Although naps are awesome!
  28. Cauliflower is God's gift to the gut-afflicted.
  29. All the juices just wish they were watermelon & lime juice.
  30. I am adjacent to too much love and greatness not to have done something right.
  31. Spas are not actually torture chambers.
  32. Just when you've given up hope, a savior appears.
  33. And I'm not talking about Angelina Jolie.
  34. Although she is awesome!
  35. Just when you thought you knew everything, bacon in the oven!
  36. I finally get that Chinese saying about being responsible for the life you save.
  37. I also finally get why giving is better.
  38. Especially when you don't feel like it.
  39. Nobody wants a bald chick on their jury panel.
  40. Su-u-uddenly, Scanpan.
  41. If Rob Brezsny didn't exist, we'd have to forecast him.
  42. You do not have to have hair like a girl to dress like one.
  43. I do not miss auditioning.
  44. I always miss acting.
  45. It's a good thing zoodles are not on the side of evil.
  46. It may take 43 years, but one can resuscitate a love of dorky holiday traditions.
  47. My sister was raised right.
  48. The first step in getting to the Beverly Center is knowing where you are right now.
  49. The best day to write is everyday.
  50. The best day to start doing it is today.
  51. Or the today that was your 53rd birthday.
  52. Eyeball beans really do make for a better 12 months.
  53. Eventually, even your crickity YouTube video will be legitimized by a #TBT.

Stay tuned for more, if you like. Happy new year, either way!

xxx c

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Good enough, Day 21: Day 22, or The Beginning

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I have never been especially good at math. I am also highly distractible, and find that I can lose time when I'm focused on something. Or not focused on something! Which is to say, pretty much anytime. At some point in this series, I lost a day. No, really—go back and count the days. I started on the 24th of August—a Saturday—specifically so that it would end on a Friday—the 13th of September, my birthday. I used two different online calculators and then counted out the days manually, just to be sure.

Alas, somewhere between Tuesday the 27th (a tiny piece on meditation) and Thursday the 29th (a poem), I had a time bubble in my brain, and lost a day—a Wednesday. I was posting things quite late in the day already at that point, as usually happens with these series, and people were responding to each day's post the following day, as the emails were arriving at rather weird hours in the inboxes of America, and so I somehow convinced myself that not only had I gotten that day's work done, but also the next day's.

I did fret about this a little. I HAD BROKEN THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT. I had made a promise to write every day, 21 days in a row, and now I'd ruined everything. I thought about coming clean right then. I thought about doubling up (or is it down?) the next day. For a brief moment, I even thought about proceeding as if nothing had happened, finishing out the run, and leaving things at that.

And then I came to my senses: this was a series about letting go of perfection to make way for something, anything at all. Was the point—the larger, capital-"P" point—to write perfectly, or to write, period?

* * * * *

One shelf of one cabinet in my apartment is devoted to books written by people I know (and one dead relative I never met, but about whom I figured, "Good enough").

Over the past few years it's gotten fuller and fuller, which is wonderful, but which is also a little sad, because it was never one of my books that got to do any of the filling. Yes, I wrote a couple of chapters in a really terrific book, but that book counts as a collective win, not a personal Everest scaled.

There are many, many reasons why there is no Colleen-Wainwright book on that shelf, but they boil down to the same, sad, scary word: perfectionism. If nothing can ever be good enough, it's hard for anything to be, period, let alone be something as big as a book.

So a few months ago, I took matters in hand and signed up for a class—a writing class focused on process, designed to get new writers who don't think they can write and long-time writers who either need a little reinvigoration or a full-on (gentle) ass-kicking, and, via various tools and exercises and gentle (but ass-kicking) encouragement, gets them writing—a few pages, every day, for six weeks.

What's funny about the class (other than the teacher, and many of the students, which really makes for a delightful way to spend a few hours of your week) is that somehow, just by writing a little bit every day in a very specific way, all of that process ends up in a not-insignificant amount of product. To drive this point home, each student in the beginning level of the class is asked to compile a handful of pieces into a chapbook, and to make enough copies to share with the class.

I called mine GOOD ENOUGH, because it is.

* * * * *

I took the liberty of printing up a few extra copies of this first—and likely, only—run of my first (chap)book. 21 extra copies, which I am making available for (PAUSE FOR COLLECTIVE GASP FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME) sale.

There are short 10 pieces in it, only one of which has seen the light of internet day so far: poems and tiny essays and bits of creative nonfiction. (There are also some pen-and-ink drawings, which you may recognize if you were a reader of my late, lamented newsletter.) One of my longtime readers and dearest critics has pronounced it the best thing I've ever written. She is also a friend, but not of the variety to blow smoke up an ass—mine, or anybody else's. I've seen her not do it.

The price is $5 for the book, tax included, plus $2 to ship it to you anywhere in the U.S. Each one is numbered (x of 52 copies), and I will happily sign it for you, and/or include an inscription of your choice. One per customer, please, in case you were thinking of hoarding chapbooks.

* * * * *

It's been a relief to write again, and a consternation, as well. Any thoughts I had of getting past my perfectionism and writing happily ever after vanished somewhere around Day 5. Or maybe it was Day 2.

Irregardless, as I heard someone say just today and let roll off my back without so much as a shrug, I will write. Certainly here and increasingly, I hope, Out There. I will do it imperfectly, with my full self, or as much of me is available at the time.

Thank you, and excelsior!

xxx c

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Good enough, Day 18: What's up & what's gone down

A formerly-monthly, currently-occasional round-up of what I've been up to and what's in the hopper. For full credits and details, see this entry. Video, above (or click here to view on Flickr) of the PALATIAL suite I got upgraded to at the MGM Signature, a distinctly non-sucky, non-casino hotel on the otherwise frightening Las Vegas Strip.

Colleen of the future (stuff I'll be doing)

The last time I posted an update like this was the first where I admitted that I had (almost) nothing planned, networking- and speaking-wise. After years of go-go-go, it was time to stop. Full stop.

Now, after many months of rest, contemplation, and other manifestations of interior reconstruction, I'm sticking a toe in the waters of Real Life again—now, with the full knowledge that really, it is no more real than the other kind. It is, however, easier for others to attend and/or participate in!

  • DV Expo (Los Angeles, September 25) :: I will be giving a one-hour talk titled, "Sell Me a Story: Building Your Own Fan Base in the Digital Economy"—possibly my favorite talk title I have ever come up with. Like most things, it came to me when I'd all but given up on it.
  • PACA Conference (NYC, October 21) :: I'm honored to be giving the keynote address at the 18th Annual event for PACA, the Digital Media Licensing Association. This year's theme is "Opportunity in Change," and as we know, that is right up my particular alley.

I would love love LOVE to come speak to your organization or institution about marketing/social media, crowdfunding, and communicating across the digital divide. I'm especially interested in speaking at schools and institutions local to Southern California, including guest speaking in college programs for actors, photographers, writers, and other creative types.

Please see my speaking page for more information, or email me: colleen AT communicatrix DOT com.

Colleen of the Past (stuff that has already gone down)

  • The Career Clinic :: I am thrilled every time I get to be a guest on my friend Maureen Anderson's terrestrial radio show. She must love it, too, because not only does she keep having me back, but she lets me talk about all kinds of stuff that could only be very generously considered career-related. In June of this year, we talked about why I continue to shave my head some two years after my pledge to do it once.
  • Visual Connections blog :: I advocate for margins in this post for the visual media buyers' blog, which I wrote partly as a warm-up for my talk at the PACA Conference this October. Also, it has my favorite title of any blog post I've written, ever—I've been wanting to use it since I dreamed it up back in 2008, and was thrilled to finally find a topic it worked for.
  • AdvancementLive :: My friend and colleague Andrew Gossen, Director of Social Media Strategy at Cornell University, hosted a Google+ chat on Crowdfunding and Higher Education and asked really good questions. I come at it from the individual/marketing angle, and Ryan Davies of Carleton University talks about it from the institutional perspective.
  • Walking Wilshire :: For National Walking Day, my favorite L.A. pedestrian, Alissa Walker, did a series of podcasts on Wilshire Boulvard for KCRW. Literally, ON WILSHIRE. She caught up with me after a panel at The SAG Foundation, and interviewed me on my 20 years (!!) of living in the 'hood.
  • The Setup :: My rig has changed a bit in the 11 months since this interview ran, but I'm too much of a nerd fangirl not to share this interview with my favorite geek-paradise website.
  • The Strictly Business Blog :: Fifteen new posts on marketing, self-improvement, and a whole lot of other cool stuff since the last round-up! No, I'm not going to link to each individually!

I've also been fortunate to represent my client ASMP with some new talks on branding and marketing at WPPI, WPPI On the Road, the Palm Springs Photo Festival, and to return to both Cornell's Alumni Leadership Conference and to HOW'S Creative Freelancer Conference (where, in what may be my craziest bit of serendipitous freakitude to date, I presented a talk featuring, among other things, a story about Jessica Hische while she was sitting a mere 20 feet from me! It was absolutely as awesome as you might imagine.)

Oh—and I also got to give a little teaching-style lecture to my fellow actors again on behalf of my longtime client, Casting Networks, and to a photography business class at Pasadena City College, which I LOVED. Did I mention I love speaking and that you should email me about doing it for your organization? WELL, I'M DOING IT AGAIN.

Colleen of the Present (stuff I do, rain or shine)

  • Act Smart! is my monthly column about marketing for LA Casting. Nominally for actors, there's a ton of good info in there for any creative business person. Browse the archives, here.
  • Internet flotsam ::  I remain hopefully optimistic about social media, despite the crapulous happenings one must endure every day on the major channels. Currently, I am most active on Facebook, but I will occasionally post to Flickr and Twitter, and, once in a blue moon, Instagram and Pinterest. I've also been writing at least a very short summary about (almost) every book I read to Goodreads.

xxx c

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Good enough, Day 17: Easy readin'

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On the walk that takes me to my mailbox, where I always hope to find checks and occasionally do, I discovered another lovely little box full of daily surprises. Not all of the books are my thing. A few don't seem to be anyone's thing—they're there day after day, week after week. (Although maybe the neighborhood is home to some especially voracious bibliophile with a lot of free time and a thing for technical manuals. Could happen!)

It almost doesn't matter; it's the very act of providing free (FREE!) books to the neighborhood in a little, glass-faced, shingle-roofed box that is the great thing.

But you know, that Tom Sizemore book? More than good enough.

xxx c

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Good enough, Day 16: The joyful frugalista

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For most of my life, I have been obsessed with two things: looking cool, and never, ever getting caught trying to look cool. I've gotten away with it more than you'd think (though less than I'd have liked), and it's made life easier in at least as many ways as it's complicated it.

Here's the thing, though—it, more than any other thing or series of things I have done, has been exhausting. At some point, when I have the distance and the perspective to provide meaningful information, I will share the stories of Trying to Be Cool, and Doing It Sometimes, and Failing Miserably at Other Times, and all the rest. Really, there are bits and pieces of these stories studded throughout the pages of this blog, if you know how to look for them. I am learning this, too—how to look for them.

But lo, a simple illustration: because of this insatiable need to look cool, I have bought a lot of dumb things. And I mean a LOT of dumb things. I did this even more a couple of decades ago, when I was truly miserable in my job and life and desperately using retail therapy to try to plug those leaks as well; I still remember the horrible, sick feeling that came over me in the mid/late '90s, when I got around to shredding old credit card statements from the late '80s. (And that's just from the stuff you can put on credit cards, if you know what I'm sayin'.)

Right now, for a variety of reasons born of good intentions that have resulted in hampered cash flow, I am restricting spending to essentials. Or "essentials", because really, how do you justify gasoline and fancy groceries and a stupid-expensive cell phone plan and these three URLs because you have wanted them for sooooo long and all the rest of it as "essentials" when you have your very own water coming out of your very own pipes—hot and cold and running—and there are people on the very same planet walking 12 miles barefoot each way for maybe—if they're lucky—a pail of murky, questionable liquid one could only call "water" out of perverseness. You don't, that's how. You appreciate the hell out of your glorious, luxurious, convenience-filled life, and try to be a good steward of the considerable resources you remain blessed with even during what 1980's, fat-cat you would dub "lean times."

Which is exactly what I've been doing. And, surprise!, this feels utterly fantastic, both because MATURITY and also because I really, really appreciate the things I do still spend money on.

But because I am an American softie, doomed to be among the first down in our upcoming zombie apocalypse, I still get a little twitchy sometimes. Not about big, scary potential outcomes, real or imagined, but stupid crap like "What will I wear to that party?" or "What will I get so-and-so for their birthday?" or "Why the $@% do these %@!) ear buds from !#$))! Apple  fall out of my gigantic Dumbo flappers no matter how hard I squish them in there??" (You can see why I get a charge out of those rare moments when MATURITY.)

And then, I let it go. Because whatever. Because it's unbecoming and ungenerous and ridiculous. Because it's enough that I have a nice, safe apartment and plenty to eat and read, and fine friends to hang out with, and a mostly healthy body to get me around to places, and doctors to take care of me when my health goes south.

And more times than not, answers just show up now, with no effort on my part: I remember how these shoes I never wear anymore because of all the walking I do now may not be good for walking, but kick ass with these jeans and that shirt that's in the Goodwill pile but hasn't made it there yet. (Sorry, Goodwill. I'll send something else.) Or the perfect inexpensive gift will fall from the sky, on a "sale" cloud.

Or a nutty, out-of-the-blue though: "I wonder if it would help to turn the ear buds around and drape the cords over my gigantic, Dumbo flappers?" And because the need to enjoy my 4- and 6- and 10-mile walks with my current podcast obsession overrides the desire to look cool and/or the desire to part with dollars, I do it, and dad-gum it if figuring out a workaround that costs me exactly nothing doesn't make me feel 10x more ingenious and foxy and, yes, COOL, than getting a pair of those hand-carved wood ear buds or noise-canceling audiophile ear buds or any other goddamn ear buds ever could. Even though I am 100% sure I look like a nut job, walking around with my ear buds in backwards.

Don't get me wrong: I am definitely looking forward to the day when, once again, I have money to throw at problems. Options are fantastic, and there are many, many problems (and awesome, fun, ingenious solutions to them) that it would be fun to throw money at.

But I'm no longer under the illusion that I can buy my way to cool, or even that I would if I could. I am not yet at that place where I don't care what anyone thinks of me, but I think I can see the road signs from here.

And that's more than good enough. That, I am also starting to see, is everything.

xxx c

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Good enough, Day 15: Arts & crafty

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As the heat finally and mercifully receded this morning, it occurred to me that I need not put up with the crap design, lame typography, and gratuitous use of American flags that goes hand-in-hand with low-end school supplies. Not as long as my "Stickers" file remains well stocked. (Related: feel free to mail me your unwanted stickers.)

xxx c

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Good enough, Day 14: Going public

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I like things the way I like them—exactly. I like being in my apartment with my things all where I put them last—these days, usually cleaned and neatly back in their rightful spots, but even before then, the crusty socks on the middle of the floor where I left them, dammit.

I like working on my (old) laptop rather than my fancy, light-as-Macbook-Air because it has all my stuff on it, all the way I like it, and I like it connected to my Logitech mouse, Apple wireless keyboard, and Cinema Display. (For a person who cries "poor" all the time, I have ridiculously nice equipment, but I'm miserly with soap, gasoline, and vacations.) (And we won't even get into how old my underwear is.)

Every once in a while, though, my likes run up against each other.

For example, I like really good paper and I like writing on it with a really nice fountain pen. But I burn through spiral notebooks like Liz Taylor did husbands, and crikey, have you priced them lately? Spiral notebooks or husbands, for that matter. Not cheap. So I have settled on cheap spiral notebooks with cheap, crappy paper that bleeds*—10 for $9.99—and a freebie ballpoint that won't. (although when I went to replace the cartridge, I discovered that the thing they say about no free lunches applies to pens, too.)

I also like to be cool—temperature-wise, not personality-wise, which I've given up on. It has not been possible thus far to secure air-conditioning for my apartment, and so when summer seizes this city each year, I'm faced with a dilemma: work in the place I really, really like, but suffer through the heat; or take my bidness to an outside location with air-conditioning.

I am writing this from my library. It is noisy—a Saturday—and it is crowded. People do...weird things here. If you want to use the toilet, you have to make eye contact with a stranger and ask them to watch your stuff, which can be awkward for shy introverts. Their dictionaries are non-horrible, but they can't touch my behemoth, Bertrand.

It is not ideal; it is not even close. (Well, actually, it is very close, and that part is awesome.) But it is cool and it is lit and it has shorty tables for tiny-legged people like me for to rest their exhausted, overheated selves and hammer out blog posts.

And after two weeks of >90ºF temperatures? In the spirit of the series, let's just say it that if it isn't exactly how I'd have it, it's exactly good enough.

xxx c

*UPDATE: Not to mention lackluster design and typeface choices. How did I leave off that gem? I blame the heat!

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Good enough, Day 12: A top sheet as flat as the Ritz

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Last year, through a series of mishaps (mine) and one generous act (my sister and brother-in-law's), I ended up the owner of some very nice cotton sheets. With monograms! Because even though monograms are ridiculous, everyone secretly loves them. Here's what else they love: sleeping on ironed, white cotton sheets. Which is pretty easy to do at any mid-level hotel these days, but harder to pull off at home, because—well, ironing.

Here's the thing, though: I love ironing. I have loved it since I learned how to do it properly, back in high school. There was a sunny little room in our house dedicated to sewing and/or guests, neither of which seemed to happen much, so mostly, I'd truck on up there after school, or some other time when it was still light, and iron everything in the house that was made of cotton. My stepfather had the best deal going on pressed shirts, and I got to comfort myself with a useful, repetitive activity and syndicated TV.

Over the past year, I looked forward to Friday nights not because I was going out, tearing up the town, but because Friday day was laundry day, and after laundry day came ironing night. Ironing plus Quincy. Ironing plus Law & Order. Ironing plus Inspector Morse. Very, very soothing.

And then, after I put the crisp sheets on the bed and made it up just so, I'd take a good hot bath or shower and slip into something that felt as good as a freshly made bed the first night of a hotel stay, only better, because it was in my house, which meant I wouldn't stub my toe on the way to a strange bathroom in the middle of the night, and that I'd be able to have my coffee when and how I liked it in the morning without getting out of my pajamas. When I get the single, raised eyebrow in response to my odd domestic habit—as, believe me, I do—I hasten to assure people that this is not my perfectionism raining down on my own parade, but a joyous act of deep self-care. Crisp sheets! Procedural dramas! Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, folks.

However, there is a point where self-care turns into self-basting, and that point is when the thermometer you keep in the coolest place in the apartment, 12 inches from where you do your ironing, reads "94ºF".

Did you know you can watch Inspector Morse in bed, lying on wrinkled sheets, and sleep just as well? Me, neither.

Good enough.

xxx c

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Good enough, Day 11: Too hot to be bothered

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When I tell people about the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, their first reaction is usually a brief take of mock shock and/or sympathy over how terribly restrictive it is, followed immediately by a round of that game no one seems to tire of, "Can You Eat X?" But really, the SCD, a diet for people with Crohn's and ulcerative colitis (and, believe it or not, autism) isn't any more restrictive than diets for people with diabetes or high cholesterol. And I'm way, way happier forgoing bread and pasta and fries than I would be suffering through them the way the folks with hypertension do—WITHOUT SALT. Sweet Jesus of Nazareth, talk about pointless.

No, after 11 years on and off of it, I can honestly say that the only place SCD really falls short is in the area of convenience. Since almost all processed foods are out—illegals like starch, sugar, and the murky "flavorings" are almost always lurking therein—you're down to preparing most stuff yourself or finding quality places you really trust. Things have gotten far easier since the advent of the Paleo Diet, which mimics ours in many ways (and again, which I find far worse—WTF, no cheese??), but it's still dodgy, eating out, not to mention expensive.

* * * * *

When you are literally chief cook and bottle-washer, you end up eating the same things over and over, especially when dietary needs get tricky. My prayer to the dating gods is for them to deliver me a loving chef with something to prove. Until then, I see myself sticking to the same six or seven menu items, swapping them out seasonally, or when I get bored.

For example, I went through a years-long omelet phase, varying only fillings, and only under duress. When I burned out on omelets a couple of years ago, I switched to a hard-boiled egg and a bowl of SCD-legal yogurt with seasonal fruit.

Lunch and dinner are easy in cool weather. I make big batches of soup, chili, stew, and so forth, freeze them in portions, and pull them out as needed. Even the early part of summer is fine: I make a big salad every day, and that's that. For years, I did the Meat Blueprint Salad. This summer, I switched to greens, tuna, peppers, and avocado, dressed simply with oil and vinegar.

But when hell sets in here, usually sometime in late August, the idea of even this much prep is exhausting.

So I swing by the deli, pick up 1/2 lb. of turkey and 1/4 lb. of cheese, some romaine lettuce, and a gritty, sour mustard free of illegals, and eat these until the heat breaks. Over the sink. Quickly, so I can get the hell out and back into some library or coffee shop that's air-conditioned.

If you're new to the SCD, know that even deli meats usually are not safe. They are pumped full of disgusting things to make them look pretty and stay stable; they are absolutely processed foods are not part of the program of "fanatical adherence" that our beloved founder Elaine Gottschall wisely advised maintaining if you want to see results. What you can do, in this case, is track down a minimally-to-unprocessed turkey breast and roast it yourself. Roasting will heat up your kitchen like mad, but if you do it in the cool of the evening, it's slightly less heinous. Portions freeze beautifully, and a breast will last a good long time.

There's a lovely kind of comfort to be had, having the same things over and over. And there's a correspondingly wonderful feeling of gratitude and delight when I get to switch things up again.

(Someone remind me of this when I have to move, okay?)

xxx c

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What's up & what's gone down: July 2012

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A mostly monthly but certainly occasional round-up of what I've been up to and what's in the hopper. For full credits and details, see this entry.

Colleen of the future (stuff I'll be doing)

For the first time in the three years that I've been doing these updates, I have zero plans. (Well, that I can talk about publicly.)

Zero public talks. Zero hosted meetups. Zero conferences I'm planning on attending, save World Domination Summit next year. And most definitely, zero birthday plans for this year.

At some point, hopefully soon—and I only say "hopefully" because I'm a hopeless Virgo hard-case when it comes to work—I'll have some things to share. Until then, sign up for the newsletter. Stay tuned here. Friend me on Facebook. (Unless you only want to be "friends" so I'll like your whatever or come to your whaddyacallit, because that is "friendly," not friendly. Obviously.)*

Light a candle, say a novena, butter a piece of toast, but only if it makes you happy. I'm fine, I swear! Plenty of cool stuff going on.

In fact...

Well...

Okay, now that I think about it, there are two places where I know I'll be in the near future:

  • "Photographers Helping Photographers" :: One of my very favorite people, Jenna Close, is giving what I'm 100% sure will be a kickass workshop for ASMP Los Angeles this Thursday evening, July 26, at Vaney Poyey's studio in Downtown L.A.
  • "Sustainable Business Models" :: This all-day symposium in New York City is free to the public with advance registration. It will also serve as the launch for...
  • The ASMP Guide to New Markets in Photography, the organization's new and important book on surviving as an imagemaker in an attention economy. And yes, yours truly wrote the chapters on branding and marketing, so I will be on hand, Sharpie at the ready, eager to inscribe something personal and awesome (of course!) on your freshly-purchased copy.

But really, this was all put in place eons ago. So much so that it almost cancels out any future-ness about them.

Colleen of the Past (what I have done for you lately)

Colleen of the Present (stuff I do, rain or shine)

  • communicatrix | focuses :: My (usually) monthly newsletter devoted to the ways and means of becoming a better clearer communicator (plus a few special treats I post nowhere else). Free!
  • Act Smart! is my monthly column about marketing for LA Casting. Nominally for actors, there's a ton of good info in there for any creative business person. Browse the archives, here.
  • Internet flotsam :: I am currently rather disenchanted with the Internet and have been busy doing stuff in my Actual, Real Life. (You should see my under-sink cabinet!) But I continue to waste far too much time over on FacebookInstagram, and, ever so often, Twitter and Pinterest.

P.S. Newsletter coming soon. I think....

xxx c

*If, however, you would like to invite me to an actual party or an actual opening or maybe even an actual launch with actual, real, live people, and actual refreshments, by all means, do. And may the gods rain money and ice-cream cakes on your lawn.

What's up & what's gone down :: April 2012

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=999Oh96KOQ4?rel=0] A mostly monthly but certainly occasional round-up of what I've been up to and what's in the hopper. For full credits and details, see this entry.

Colleen of the future (stuff I'll be doing)

  • "Making People Love You Madly" tour for ASMP [May 3: Tucson, AZ; June 7, Seattle, WA] The last two of my "marketing in the postmodern age" talk for the American Society of Media Photographers—oh, how time has flown! This version of my core talk on marketing was customized for commercial photographers, but anyone with a small creative business will come away with plenty of ideas. And, if you're good at networking, many new contacts from the world of photography!
  • World Domination Summit [July 6-8, Portland, OR] I'll be giving the 50-minute version of "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" (aka "the 50-for-50 talk") as a workshop at this year's installment of the world's most fun conference EVER in Portland. The conference has been sold out for months, but occasionally, some poor soul has to release their ticket and you can jump on it. Follow #WDS2012 and @chrisguillebeau on Twitter for scoop.

Colleen of the Past (what I have done for you lately)

  • TEDxConcordiaUPortland [Portland, OR; March 31] I was beyond thrilled, honored, and yes, terrified to be presenting at this conference whose theme is "Becoming Extraordinary." I mean, pressure much? But Michelle Jones, my friend and TEDx organizer (and 50-for-50 supporter) extraordinaire, had faith in me, so I screwed my courage to the sticking place and also, actually rehearsed. A lot. I'm pretty happy with the results, which you can watch above, or by clicking through to YouTube.
  • 3x3x365 :: I don't really do guest posts, but when my wonderful and, briefly, exhausted friend Amy McCracken called out for help, I was able to hide my eagerness to tell a story on my favorite-est blog in the cloak of selflessness.
  • The Strictly Business Blog :: I've continued to write for my wonderful clients, the ASMP, on a variety of marketing and productivity-related topics. Recent contributions include a love note to Evernote and managing expectations with your very own Twitter policy.
  • Savor & Serve Blog :: To celebrate a full year of her re-branded blog, the gorgeous and talented Jennifer Louden invited a group of her friends to share how they'd savored and/or served this past year. I was thrilled to participate, mostly because this year, I finally managed to do some service! It's a lovely, sweet, and breezy roundup.

Colleen of the Present (stuff I do, rain or shine)

  • communicatrix | focuses :: My (usually) monthly newsletter devoted to the ways and means of becoming a better clearer communicator (plus a few special treats I post nowhere else). Free!
  • Act Smart! is my monthly column about marketing for LA Casting. Nominally for actors, there's a ton of good info in there for any creative business person. Browse the archives, here.
  • Internet flotsam :: I am currently rather disenchanted with the Internet. Also, busy. But I continue to waste far too much time over on Facebook, who, speaking of which, have not yet ruined Instagram.

xxx c

What's up & what's gone down :: February 2012

the author speaking to ASMP Philadelphia A mostly monthly but certainly occasional round-up of what I've been up to and what's in the hopper. For full credits and details, see this entry.

Colleen of the future (stuff I'll be doing)

  • "Making People Love You Madly" tour for ASMP [February dates: Salt Lake City, 2/23; March dates: Denver, 3/1; Cincinnati, 3/22] Still (whew!) on the road with my "marketing in the postmodern age" talk for the American Society of Media Photographers. Many of the chapters allow non-members to attend for a fee. This version of the talk uses specific examples from the world of commercial photography, but anyone with a small creative business will come away with plenty of ideas. And, if you're good at networking, many new contacts from the world of photography!
  • February L.A. Biznik Mixer at Jerry's Famous [Los Angeles; Tonight, Wednesday, February 15, 5:30-7:30pm!]  Fun, free, low-key networking plus great tips, tricks and ideas from your fellow indie-biz folk, which of course includes me. Duh. I co-host with South Bay designer-illustrator, Donna Barger, but really, she's running the show. Heeeeeere's Jerrys!
  • WPPI [Las Vegas, NV, 2/21] A-a-a-also, ASMP is generously sponsoring my marketing talk at this annual gigundo wedding photography conference hosted by Nielsen. Ordinarily, I wouldn't post anything so market-specific here on the blog, but I was reminded a week or so ago that all kinds of people read this crazy blog, EVEN WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHERS. Like, even my wedding photographer. Yes, really.
  • TEDxConcordiaUPortland [Portland, OR; March 31] I am beyond thrilled, honored, and yes, terrified to be presenting at this conference whose theme is "Becoming Extraordinary." I mean, pressure much? But I had such an amazing, amazing time at the last TEDx produced by my now-friend Michelle Jones that—well, I made her be my friend. So there you go. Tickets are on sale now. Please don't wait to buy them; it will sell out!

Colleen of the Past (what I have done for you lately)

  • Mac Power Users podcast :: I was beyond honored—not to mention cartwheel-turning happy—when co-hosts David Sparks and Katie Floyd invited me to be a guest on a "workflows" episode of their popular podcast. I'm not as super-smarty-pants nerdy as many of their guests, but there are puh-lenty of tips we got out there on both writing and tweaking your Mac to do your writerly bidding more efficiently. Plus, it was just rollicking fun! [Running time: 66 minutes]
  • 30-Day Art Challenge :: How blown away was I that Oliver Emberton chose THREE of my little musings to illustrate for his monthly self-imposed creative challenge? How about "VERY, VERY and VERY." Thank you, Oliver!
  • The Strictly Business Blog :: I've continued to write for my wonderful clients, the ASMP, on a variety of marketing and productivity-related topics. This month, I contributed posts on creating successful collaborations, my writerly "secret weapon", and how to best handle referrals to ensure more of them.
  • Savor & Serve Blog :: My lovely and smart pal Jennifer Louden created a wonderful roundup of suggestions on how to find your tribe when you're moving to a new town, either permanently or temporarily. I threw my 20 cents in, but there are scads of suggestions—you're bound to find a few you'll love implementing.

Colleen of the Present (stuff I do, rain or shine)

  • communicatrix | focuses :: My monthly newsletter devoted to the ways and means of becoming a better clearer communicator (plus a few special treats I post nowhere else). Free!
  • Act Smart! is my monthly column about marketing for LA Casting. Nominally for actors, there's a ton of good info in there for any creative business person. Browse the archives, here.
  • Internet flotsam :: You  know, I have not been so much with the Internet flotsam of late. Mostly posting links/etc. and chatting on Facebook. This could change—and probably will. Most things do, given time.

xxx c

Photo by Greg Benson.

Frrrrriday Rrrrroundup #69

shadow art An end-of-weekly roundup collecting fffffive of the fffffoxiest things I fffffind stumbling around the web. More about the genesis here. Every dang Friday Round-Up here, you procrastinating slacker!

While I'm pleased that my friend Lisa is gainfully employed again, my fondest wish is for a full book full of her startlingly clear and beautiful prose pieces—like this one, on divorce.

A trifecta from Seth, as he has been en fuego lately, making it impossible to choose. Learn about the dangerous game of the reciprocal recommender, the hazards of well-meaning lizard-feeding, and/or why you need to get off the page.

How one doctor used diet to help reverse her M.S. symptoms. [TEDx video, 18 minutes]

The controversial Caitlin Flanagan takes a stab at explaining the fanatical worship of (early) Joan Didion among women writers.

Image of shadow art by Fred Eerdekens, via Patti Digh/others on Facebook. (Or, view a full gallery of amazing "shadow" art.)

What's up & what's gone down :: January 2012

the author speaking in front of a gigantic picture of herself A mostly monthly but certainly occasional round-up of what I've been up to and what's in the hopper. For full credits and details, see this entry.

Colleen of the future (stuff I'll be doing)

  • "Making People Love You Madly" tour for ASMP [January dates: Albuquerque, 1/17; Phoenix, 1/19; New Orleans, 1/23; February dates: New York City, 2/1; Philadelphia, 2/9; Salt Lake City, 2/23] I'm continuing the road with a beefed-up version of my "marketing in the postmodern age" talk for the American Society of Media Photographers. Many of the chapters allow non-members to attend for a fee. This version of the talk uses specific examples from the world of commercial photography, but anyone with a small creative business will come away with plenty of ideas. And, if you're good at networking, many new contacts from the world of photography!
  • January L.A. Biznik Mixer at Jerry's Famous [Los Angeles; Tonight, Wednesday, January 11, 5:30-7:30pm!]  Fun, free, low-key networking plus great tips, tricks and ideas from your fellow indie-biz folk, which of course includes me. Duh. My co-host again this month is South Bay illustrator Donna BargerHeeeeeere's Jerrys!
  • TEDxConcordiaUPortland [Portland, OR; March 31] I am beyond thrilled, honored, and yes, terrified to be presenting at this conference whose theme is "Becoming Extraordinary." I mean, pressure much? But I had such an amazing, amazing time at the last TEDx produced by my now-friend Michelle Jones that—well, I made her be my friend. So there you go. Tickets go on sale January 28, and this event will sell out. And yes, I'd pay to go even if I wasn't speaking—it's that kind of day.

Colleen of the Past (what I have done for you lately)

Colleen of the Present (stuff I do, rain or shine)

  • communicatrix | focuses :: My monthly newsletter devoted to the ways and means of becoming a better clearer communicator (plus a few special treats I post nowhere else). Free!
  • Act Smart! is my monthly column about marketing for LA Casting. Nominally for actors, there's a ton of good info in there for any creative business person. Browse the archives, here.
  • Internet flotsam :: You  know, I have not been so much with the Internet flotsam of late. Mostly posting links/etc. and chatting on Facebook. This could change—and probably will. Most things do, given time.

xxx c

Photo by Michael Smith.

[video] Hair today, books tomorrow

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgfcuOe8x-E] [Long-ass video clocking in at a whoppin' 5:05]

Salutations, and apologies for the distinctly lengthy, somewhat self-indulgent, purportedly "useful" video above. In my defense (and I'm nothing if not defensive), I'm both: (a) woefully (or not) out of practice; and (b) pressed for the kind of time needed to write a shorter letter. We're looking at a rather tense couple of months here at communicatrix HQ, deliverables-wise (after which time I'm sure my essays will return to their previously scheduled interminability; my videos will return to a brisk conciseness; and my newsletters will return, period.) (Kidding. I think. I mean, I should be putting out a newsletter next Wednesday, but don't quote me on that. But you can sign up here, if you want to roll the dice.)

This video—which you may have to click through to watch if you're reading this somewhere other than on the web and an actual computer—contains two main sections.

Section the First is just a hair update. While very little has changed, hair-wise, since September, amazingly (as is abundantly evident via this video), it takes me A MINUTE and THIRTY-NINE SECONDS to state this very obvious fact. I suppose part of the issue is that I'm taking a little time to say howdy and to provide context, and another bit is that I had to shill show off my fancy new Wahl cordless electric all-in-one hair-clipper thingy. Lots lots lots more to say on this whole being-bald(ish) thing, but those are stories for another day—a day which has not quite made it on the publishing calendar yet, but which certainly will at some point.

The second section concerns books. Not just any books, but a particular ritual of reading certain books—one I've been engaged in for some time, and which I've found to be extremely helpful in keeping me focused/on-track (a perennial challenge) and non-depressed (ditto, and how).

I've actually written at some length about daily reads in my marketing column for actors, so I won't belabor it here except to say this: the daily devotional has its place in the secular world, too. Some kinds of change are particularly slippery and elusive, and the right words (i.e., from people who've been working on this stuff longer than you, and are further down the road, and are maybe not too preachy) in a manageable, portion-controlled size (for me, extremely small), repeated at the right intervals (in my case, daily) can be great helpmates. Two of the books are listed in the column I link to, above, but for your convenience, they are:

Think and Grow Rich Every Day, a carving-up of the Napoleon Hill self-help classic by two enterprising fellows, and more power to 'em. Each month focuses on a particular aspect of Hill's teachings, with one month lumping together two of the shorter chapters ("The Subconscious Mind" and "The Brain"). The authors claim to have updated the language a bit from the fusty original text, but damned if I can tell much difference. And that chapter about the sex urge is just nutso; you'll want to take October with a grain of salt, or a pinch of saltpeter, or something. But it's eminently more readable in these bite-sized morsels, and has helped me to keep my eyes on the prize. And as I mention in the video, this book was, in a weird and witchy way, partly responsible for the success of 50-for-50.

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, a compendium of teachings from the 12-step recovery programs for the friends and families of alcoholics, who (boy, howdy) generally suffer from their own addictive, self-destructive tendencies. I hope you don't need this one. I hope that you have no boundary issues or co-dependent b.s. or any other of the narsty, sticky residue of self-loathing that growing up in an alcoholic (or xholic) home can leave. But if you do, and you can put up with a little Higher Power here and there, you may find it not only steadying in stretches, but shockingly illuminating. I have taken in a few days' entries with the wonder I can only imagine Helen Keller must have felt by the family pump.

The third book I cannot conscientiously recommend yet, as I've only been playing with it since the start of this new year. (Which somehow already seems old at four days in—how weird is that?) But in the month or so since I finally got over my squeeginess over the covers, I have become quite taken with the output of Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, aka SARK, reading a full two books' worth and well into a third. (I put down another one a third of the way through because the erratic typesetting was making me seasick.) But in case you want to check it out—which I did, literally, from the library—here it is.

But really, with all of these books, I'd suggest test-driving them via your amazing public library before committing your hard-earned dollars and even more precious attention. Unless you are filthy rich, in which case please buy them and anything else your heart desires via my Amazon affiliate link.

Okay! This post is already too long and my to-do list isn't getting any shorter. One short request before I go: if you have any daily-devotional-type books you LOVE, feel free to leave them in the comments. Right? Right!

And happy new year, while I can still say it.

xxx c

While this is probably obvious, for the purposes of 100% transparency, this post contains a shitload of Amazon affiliate links. Feel free to buy ANYTHING through your local bookseller, or to test-drive via your local library. Except for maybe that hair trimmer. Because (a) doubtful that anything but a chain store will stock electric clippers or that libraries carry them at all and (b) ew, gross.

What's up & what's gone down :: September 2011

the author with and without hair A mostly monthly but certainly occasional round-up of what I've been up to and what's in the hopper. For full credits and details, see this entry.

Colleen of the future (stuff I'll be doing)

  • Fundraising on the Mac with IndieGoGo [Apple Store, 3rd Street Promenade, Santa Monica: TONIGHT, 9/21, 7-8pm] I'll be featured on this monthly panel, talking about (I assume) some of what I learned during my recently-completed 50-for-50 Project.
  • "Making People Love You Madly" tour [October dates: San Diego, 10/6; Boston, 10/11; Minneapolis, 10/19] I'm hitting the road with a beefed-up version of my "marketing in the postmodern age" talk starting early in October for my client, the American Society of Media Photographers. Many of the chapters allow non-members to attend for a fee. This version of the talk uses specific examples from the world of commercial photography, but anyone with a small creative business will come away with plenty of ideas. And, if you're good at networking, many new contacts from the world of photography!
  • October L.A. Biznik Mixer at Jerry's Famous [Los Angeles; Wednesday, October 19 OCTOBER 26!]  Fun, free, low-key networking plus great tips, tricks and ideas from your fellow indie-biz folk, which of course includes me. Duh. My co-host again this month is South Bay illustrator Donna Barger. Rumor has it there will be buttons available to support a certain cause. And that they are effing awesome. Join up here (free membership, which is nice), and you'll be emailed when the notice goes live.
  • Seattle Interactive Conference [Seattle, November 2-3] I'll be presenting a new talk on the Biznik Stage, all about the b.s. of "silver bullets," and how regular people can mobilize an audience.

Colleen of the Past (what I have done for you lately)

Colleen of the Present (stuff I do, rain or shine)

  • communicatrix | focuses :: My monthly newsletter devoted to the ways and means of becoming a better clearer communicator (plus a few special treats I post nowhere else). This month: How to talk FAST (or, pulling a talk for 500 people out of your ass the night before). Free!
  • Act Smart! is my monthly column about marketing for LA Casting. Nominally for actors, there's a ton of good info in there for any creative business person. Browse the archives, here.
  • Internet flotsam :: If you suffer from a surfeit of time, you can always look for me on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, StumbleUpon and delicious. Oh, and that Google+ all the nerds are yakking about. But not much yet. Only so many hours in a day.

xxx c

Photo (with hair) by Shawn G. Henry; Photoshopping (without hair) by Donna Barger.

50-for-50: Frequently asked questions

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IQZhGoLqBs] This post is #47 in a series of 50 dedicated to the art and life of writing, in support of the 50 for 50 Project to benefit WriteGirl. If you like it, or if you think it could have been improved by a better writing education for its author, please give generously. And pass it on.

Eventually, when this is behind me, I'll write up a more organized list of FAQs. But the video above and the list below take care of some of the things I've been getting asked a lot now that are sort of time-sensitive.

1. Party invitations

If you have given money for a party invite and have not received one from us (they're coming from Pingg.com), contact me IMMEDIATELY: colleen AT communicatrix DOT com. I will forward your email to Jill Murphy, who's taken over party stuff so my head doesn't explode before we can get the hair off of it. But yes, all the invites have gone out.

2. Perk fulfillment & thank-yous

We—or rather, I—will be fulfilling perks after the close of the campaign. Probably at least a week after, because I seriously need a week to just recover. Since I'm doing it myself, it may take a while, but you will get your stuff, digital or physical.

As to thank-yous, I didn't promise I'd do this, but I want to. Again, it will take a while. Please be patient! I can only do so much, and I have taken two months off of work to do the campaign, so I have to work, too. Because boy, Anthem Blue Cross gave me the OPPOSITE of a birthday present. Okay. 'Nuff said on that one.

3. How I did what I did

I've started getting a number of requests for information on how I organized, ran, prepped, etc. the campaign. I will be sharing everything I learned over the next couple of months. Maureen Anderson interviewed me (and separately, Keren Taylor, director of WriteGirl) for The Career Clinic radio show; I'm going to do an interview for IndieGoGo's newsletter and a Q&A via Skype with Don Stanley for his Social Media class at University of Wisconsin-Madison, which hopefully, they'll post for other people to see.

I will also be writing things up myself, so please subscribe to the blog and subscribe to the newsletter to make sure you get those. You can unsubscribe whenever you want—I encourage it, in fact. But if you email me asking for the info, you'll just get a reply to look for the info here. It will become recursive and annoying, and neither of us wants that to happen.

Again, please be patient. I'm pretty overwhelmed now, and I cannot help but think I will be more so once it sinks in that I am a 50-year-old lady with no hair.

4. T-shirt fulfillment

The "Old." shirts are printed all at once, then shipped out by the printer. You should receive your "Old." shirt sometime in October, if you ordered one. (And no, you can't order one now—orders have been closed.)

5. Yes, I'm donating the hair

To these people. They seem nice, and they are definitely NOT blowing their money on web design, which makes us simpatico.

6. When is the last day to contribute?

September 13, 2011. After that, you're welcome to donate money to WriteGirl, and I hope you will. But to say you're a part of this crazy little project we're all working on together OFFICIALLY, kick in here by Tuesday. Early. Because I may or may not have set the campaign to run out before 11:59pm Pacific.

Okay! That's all I got for now.

Catch you on the flip-flop!

xxx c

Frrrrriday Rrrrroundup! #68: 50-for-50 edition

desktop wallpaper designed by spencer cross This post is #46 in a series of 50 dedicated to the art and life of writing, in support of the 50 for 50 Project to benefit WriteGirl. If you like it, or if you think it could have been improved by a better writing education for its author, please give generously. And pass it on.

The Reverend Molly, who found her way to 50-for-50 via Sugar, shared this absolutely beautiful (and also, very interesting and helpful) piece on what it's like to live outside the cultural norm—in her case, sans hair.

Not only was Sugar stunningly generous in devoting her entire weekly column to 50-for-50, she specifically articulated what was so meaningful about this whole project for all of us in a way none of us, myself included, have been able to.

A beautiful (what else?) story from interviewee Leah Reich about her experiences growing up in a small Colorado town, and what it means to have someone believe in you.

A gorgeous tribute by interviewee, client, and good friend Judy Herrman about why we undertake bits of certifiable insanity like 50-for-50. And living.

This piece mistakenly says I've already shaved, but let's not hold this against them. Because an awesome plug is an awesome plug, and hey, Donna Barger did do a bang-up job with the Photoshopping!

Finally, I love the support from the gentlemens, too.

Image inside the frame by Spencer Cross, awesome designer, dog-owner, human being, and founder of kernspiracy designers' group. You can get it in a luxurious, desktop-sized image of inspiration with a $15 contribution to the 50-for-50 project on IndieGoGo, through September 13, 2011.

And on the 50th day, they partied

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsvNxTJlI9E This post is #45 in a series of 50 dedicated to the art and life of writing, in support of the 50 for 50 Project to benefit WriteGirl. If you like it, or if you think it could have been improved by a better writing education for its author, please give generously. And pass it on.

Yes, you have to work hard.

But occasionally, you have to stop working to rest. Or relax. Or, occasionally, to celebrate.

And by "you", as The Youngster used to say, I mean "me."

I'm still working—hahaha—on all of these things: learning to rest, relax, and (occasionally), to celebrate. Last night, for example, I sort of relaxed while my good friend and even better sport Heather Parlato painstakingly coconut-oiled my scalp, so my soon-to-be-barren dome wouldn't look all scabby and gross after the shaving. We caught up on gossip during and I had a rosé-wine spritzer after, so I'm counting it in the "fun" column.

I hope you are putting things in your own, personal "fun" column. I hope that occasionally, your "fun" column runneth over onto the other side of the page. Fun (or even "fun") is a necessary component of human existence—even the existence of steadfast and earnest, workaholic writers.

Or so they tell me.

xxx c

P.S.  As per the looooong video above, I would love it if you decided to come have some fun with me on my birthday, this Tuesday, September 13. Owing to my nervous-Nellie conservatism about too many people at my host's house and plain old bad math, I initially released far fewer tickets than I probably should have. This has been corrected. Please buy one! I have to spend all this money on the food and drink anyway; a few more heads will make the party more fun, and still be wildly cost-efficient. Yay, efficiency!